The Middle
- Alice
- Jan 18, 2020
- 11 min read
Updated: Jan 22, 2020
“Always hold fast to the present. Every situation, indeed every moment, is of infinite value, for it is the representative of a whole eternity.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Carpe Diem, seize the day, live in the moment, are all statements that have many meanings and facets to them. However, today I am speaking on one small part of it that so many tend to miss, and that is the human connection. The time we spend together, the memories we make, the stories we share, and the lessons we learn from each person spirit puts in our path, these moments shape who we are and the experiences we have on our journey's through life. So often we get so wrapped up in the day to day grind, relationships, worry, anxiety, and fear of what will happen tomorrow, that we lose sight of what's happening today right in front of us.
Our journey's are not where we begin or where we end but what happens in the middle. This is where lessons can be learned and impact the development of who we are. When we take the time to truly connect and experience life with the people spirit puts into our lives, we can experience life in all its beautiful splendor. We see the magic that is around us, These moments and the souls we are blessed to share them with create the memories that we all hold so dear.
Connecting with people is something I have always loved to do, I guess I get it from my Grammy. I was the child that would beg and do all I could to convince Grammy to let me come to work with her whenever I had the chance. I loved nothing more than listening to the life stories of the patients at the nursing home she was the head RN at, and still a passion I possess to this day. By seizing those moments and connecting to people, sharing their memories of times gone by or creating new ones. I had the blessing of experiencing life through another's eyes. Vicariously knowing what it was like to work on an Ice Cutter in Alaska, Being a Navy Wave during WW2, or the struggle of a mother of a special needs child that chose to fight instead of aborting or institutionalizing, or many other life stories that have been shared that all became apart of the journey.
I love stories, sharing of experiences and connecting to one another, it is through this connection we can learn and grow who we are. I have been blessed to connect with many souls and hear tons of life stories through my work as a caregiver, and this is still true today. I would like to share with you a story of a man who thought I was there to help him, but in actuality gave me more than I ever could have ever given to him, and reminder of a lesson I seem to have forgotten.
When we first moved here to South Carolina, I can honestly say I wasn't the happiest. Back home I loved my job, I loved having my extended family (at that time a very close nit) and friends close by. It broke my heart to pack up and leave everything I ever knew behind. I was struggling to adjust to a new area, and a new dynamic. I had taken a job as an in home caregiver, going into the homes of the elderly who needed assistance with everyday life activities, and that's where Mr. Martin waltzed into my life.
Mr. Martin was a fun loving, quiet man who always smiled no matter how he was feeling. He had these big brown eyes that just always seemed to sparkle and shine, as well as smile as big as the world. You know one of those rare souls that one instantly feels comfortable with. Mr. Martin was a stroke Victim and had limited use of the left side of his body, but the limitation never stopped or slowed him down. Our time together was typical, getting him dressed and then running the roads, always on the move, running errands or going to visit his friends and family, he never stopped, despite his wife's and my protest to take time to rest. After all, he wasn't a spring chicken any more.
When we were not tearing up the streets our time was spent sitting on front porch or in the fields watching his farm hand plow or plant (because in his words, “I just don't trust that boy to do it right”). As time went on we would spend those beautiful spring, summer and fall days simply talking about life. He taught me so much about life in the South, teaching me about hog jowls, growing the sweetest watermelons, and how to tend to other crops he grew, then his wife would try to teach me how to clean & cook them.
If I had a question about crops that he didn’t raise, he would then take me to a friend that grew them so I could see and learn for myself. He would share stories of growing up back when it was still segregated, and the trials associated with growing up a black man in that type of world. He shared with me the struggles of growing up poor and the youngest of 8 children. He also would talk about his 3 tours in Vietnam, and parachuting into enemy lines and the unknown that awaited him there. He would even say someone was watching over him. Sometimes prefacing these stories with “ You can't live your life in fear and take advantage of every moment of every day you are blessed to live.”
He was the one who taught me to live life without fear. See, every year I choose a theme this particular year just happen to be “The Year of No Fear". Well, one day we were doing our usual front porch sitting, he turned to me with that glint in his eye, and said let's go for a ride on the Spider. Now for those of you that don't know what a spider is it’s one of those trikes that has 2 wheels on the front and one on the back. I can tell you I was hesitant to do so, and voiced that to him saying “ are you sure this is the best idea?" (Now remember this man has very limited use of the left side of his body, and needed help walking sometimes). He looked at me dead in the eye and said “Do you trust me”. I hesitated for a moment and replied “yes, yes I do”. So off we went to get the motorcycle. He pulled it out of the garage and told me “OK baby girl hop on”. I jumped on the back shaking, holding on to him tight praying he didn’t kill me and down the road we went. After we got down the road a bit he pulled the bike over and said “okay baby girl now it’s your turn” “what? Excuse me!, you want me to do what”. He looked at me, eyes gleaming and said “Do you trust me?” again hesitating I jumped on the front and he jumped on the back, he explained what to do and down the road we went. Wind blowing in my hair and his smile from ear to ear, laughing. (I could only imagine what people thought at this sight, myself in scrubs and him on the back with one arm around my waist and the other clutching a cane.)
It was one of the most exhilarating & freeing moments of my life, grant it probably not the smartest moment, but fun nonetheless. When we returned home that day and put the bike away he looked at me and said “ never let fear limit you” In that moment I knew Spirit sent this very special man to me to teach me a very valuable lesson, to “never let fear limit you.” I worked with Mr. Martin for just over a year before I left in home care to go back to my passion with special needs individuals. As we would spend so much time just sitting together sharing stories and life experiences with me drinking in everything he had to say, our friendship grew and blossomed into a grandparent/ grandchild dynamic, with him & his wife referring to me as their “Little White Child” (Most would take offence to this, but I knew it was a term of endearment and something out of love). Our conversations eventually turned into spiritual ones, with him sharing his thoughts and feelings about what happens at the end of life & who God is to him. This when my intuition started to buzz and I knew he was beginning to prepare for the transition.
That May, I was blessed with my current position and put in my 2 weeks notice, Mr. Martin wasn’t the happiest about me leaving, but deep down he knew that my time with him was done. We both knew Spirit was telling us it was time to move on. Our last day together, was spent sitting in his truck, yet again watching the farm hand plow fields. I will never forget the look in his eye when he turned to me and started sharing that he went to make his final arrangements, ensuring his family was going to be taken care of. Updating his will, and dividing his land and assets, then he dropped the bomb his family didn’t know he was doing this. With tears in his eyes he shared with me his memories of meeting his lovely wife at a local dance for the first time, recalling everything in perfect detail, memories of each of his girls & grandchildren’s births, and many other significant moments in his life. As I sat there just drinking it all in he said to me “ I am afraid of how my family will get along without me”. I turned to Mr. Martin and with a stern voice said to him “Mr. Martin you know our souls are eternal, and we never really die, we simply transform. You taught me so much in our time together and having no fear was one of the biggest lessons you taught”. We went on to talk a little more about transitioning into spirit, and that at this point he has done all he can to ensure his family is taken care of. I said to him "It’s time for you to seize the moment and live in joy for however long you have left."
When I left that day he told me to be sure to come around and visit, sadly I never did. Many times I would drive by our old haunts and think to myself "I really should take time to go visit Mr. Martin", but never seized the moment and went. Well, one cold February day I drove by one of the places we went to all the time to get Fresh Wraps (His wife's favorite), and I had an overwhelming desire to stop and get one. I pulled up to the gas station and went in to order. As I was talking with the employee who was always working when we were there, she said to me “I am so sorry to hear about your guy”, puzzled I asked her what she meant by that. She then started to tell me that he had passed away in December a few weeks before Christmas. All I could remember is the look of shock on my face. In that moment Mr Martin gave me one last gift/reminder of a lesson long forgotten “Seize the moment”.
In order for us to have stories, we have to create them with the people we are blessed to have in our lives. We know each person is placed there for a reason. Sunday dinners, holidays, celebrations, or those quiet family moments are apart of creating those special moments and memories.
There is another who has become a huge part of my life, actually one of my best friends and we together seize the moment every time we see each other. John is a very fun loving guy with the innocence of a child, one who LOVES to talk, and talk he will sometimes to much. John and I met through the same company as Mr Martin, but I have been able to stay with him and watch him continue to grow for the last 4 years. We had a connection since day one and one his mama knew was going to be a long & strong one. When we first met he lacked a lot of basic life skills and through working together he has mastered so many, and still going. See it was easier for his mom to do it for him. John is a creature of habit and doesn't like to stray from what he knows in experiences, it takes a lot of convincing. But once he tries something new he is all in. Through our time together John has had many accomplishments. He has cultivated a new love for the arcade (something he never experienced before, now we go almost every week). He has found a love for books, going to watch live bands, and most definitely anything food related.
One of my favorite firsts for him was the very first time we went to the Arcade. He was afraid to try anything. It took a lot of convincing just to have him play Skee Ball. He very quickly figured out that he actually was really good at it, beating me many times over. That first time he played, and every time he scored it was a huge celebration for him (there was lots of yelling “I DID IT, I DID IT”! Over and over and over again). He was so proud and in that moment he had gained pride and confidence in himself. Each time he tries a new game and excels at it he always jumps up and down with the excitement of a child, and still does. He had the same excitement celebrating the first time he made his own bed, or washed his own clothes, oh and you would think there was a massive party when learned how to vacuum his own room. See these moments maybe insignificant to us but to someone else it’s the world. One thing John has taught me is celebrate every little thing we do in life, no matter how small it should always be a celebration.
It's amazing how we can grow and expand if we are willing to invest the time in making a connection with each other. Time moves by so fast and just like a river you can't touch the same water twice. Once you blink the future becomes the past. We are all blessed to have opportunities to share and grow with one another. Through those connections, sharing moments in the here and now or memories of times gone by, no matter how big or small with other souls we will grow, becoming apart of who we are as a person.
Today, I get to share some of my middle with all of you, It is through this spirit has allowed this message to become apart of all of your journeys. Spirit places people into our lives for various reasons to teach lessons for our own growth and to offer wisdom. All we need to do is to be open and seize those moments and connections when ever they arrive. However, another important aspect of this lesson since there is duality in everything. Sometimes people we share moments and experiences with are not all lovey dovey moments. Sometimes they are a little more on the negative side. However, these negative connections should also be celebrated. These are our master lessons, and end up changing the fabric of who we are, realigning us and placing us on the path we are to take. So try to be grateful for those moments and connections to, as hard as it can be to deal with, they do happen for a reason.
When we stand in love, celebrating who we are and sharing our stories with others we grow, we transform, and if we listen we may be able to have an opportunity to ”carry the feather instead of the stone.” Celebrating and learning from each other, growing in our own spiritual faith that others can see. We then can see all things bright and beautiful and testify to the unconditional love of spirit. Love, Alice
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